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Nearly million Americans use dating apps. For our millennial generation, the singles using dating apps spend on average more than 10 hours per week scrolling and swiping on profiles. Even more surprising is that the average user is bouncing between four dating apps at the same time. The seemingly endless supply of faces and names also leads to numerous negative results, including misogyny and harassment. Prior to online dating becoming the most common way people met romantic interests, being set up through friends and family led to the most successful relationships.

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Hoping to make friends but not really knowing my way around, I aimlessly wandered downtown at dusk, vaguely intending to just waltz into bars and maybe make a new acquaintance or two. As I walked around, feeling increasingly anxious, I repeatedly checked Yelp on my phone, looking for prospective stops. Do I want to meet people here? Or here? What would the people be like here? At Random Asheville Bar No. Not one. Clearly, the overall approach to dating and relationships has changed wildly in the last century or so — and more recent advancements in technology and gender equality have only accelerated the shift.

So, digging below the surface, how much has really changed in the eternal quest for love and romance? Backing out of the bar, I wound up in a quiet coffee shop — alone, on my phone, texting with friends back home. I was only trying to make friends that evening, not find a date. But the boundaries can get blurry, and in any case, the underlying question remains: How do adults connect these days?

Inside OKCupid: The math of online dating – Christian Rudder


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